A film director thinking..

  Do not go gentle into that good night.  Made using an AI tool We have heard that one before. There is eeriness in a night, when it falls. Vulnerability. You feel seen, heard, active, sleepy, something ticks. If you give in, you might come up with something extraordinary, but that has a cost to it. Your schedule, or more like a routine, is shaken. The morning is hard. Doing the morning ritual is like being a part of the iron clan, and there seems to be no reward. But if night gives in easily, the morning takes its time. Its rewards accumulate, they are like compound interest.  Night gives, and takes instantly. The day is there for you, when you need it back. Should we make the darkness our enemy or an ally? Like Batman? Or Doga. The dog warrior watches from a shady ally, stalks its prey, the filth of the town, that uses the shadows to form the criminal heartbeat of the town. His four Pitbull dogs stand around him, tails up, waiting... They pounce without making a noise a...

This is a different post. Not a life update. Just a comment on society, as to how we are dealing with ecological evidence on one hand and the public's sentiment on the other. The juggling continues. Look at the series of pictures below. But from a kabootar's point of view. All goes well, being fed, a relationship is progressing. Wait what? Why? "Where is the food?" - The kabootars exclaimed! "Attack!" The humans are here to protect/protest.  Now even the kabootars are fed up. They want humans to figure it out amongst themselves... "Well well well..." Back to square one.

"You are blessed if you live the patterned life, the breakers are left with a lot to mend, so they carelessly walk the path of fire thinking the heat will put everything back in shape." It has been over an year now in Bombay, as they like to call it. 'They' are the people of this industry. The Indian Film Industry. Enabling the flow state, more frequently these days. Getting into it and then not getting out until the sun sets seems to add up to the most productive of days. I have started actively writing and narrating my stories to industry experts (including directors and producers) as well as trusted individuals and local folk. I am finding a balance of the right approach in which I am able to express my vision to people in a way that seems exciting (to me and the listener). I am realizing how important it is for me to sustain an emotion for a longer duration, and I need to play on my strengths. I can feel it coming closer and closer, day by day. The first film.  I ...

Currently sitting at a production house in Mumbai. Serving as the third assistant director handling picture vehicles, juniors and clap-board. The guiding light in this room is motivating me towards greater things in life.  Photo by Shivendu Shukla on Unsplash हम लोग एक नामी लेखक एवं निर्माता की अगली फिल्म पर काम कर रहे हैं। इस फिल्म पर मैं पिछले एक महीने से काम कर रहा हूँ और मुझे काफी मज़ा आ रहा है। शुरुवाती दिनों मे थोड़ी दिक्कत हुई लेकिन अब सबके साथ हसी मज़ाक चलता रहता है। कभी कभी कुछ चीजों पर मेरी डांट भी पड़ती है, पर सही डांट पड़ती है। मैं कुछ न कुछ सीखता ही हूँ और कोशिश यही रहती है कि गुस्सा हमेशा नियंत्रण मे रहे, साथ ही किसी पर भी चिल्ला कर बोलना या आवाज ऊंची करना कम से कम रहे।  चिल्लाने से सभी लोगों का ध्यान उस ओर जाता है और सभी का काम रुक जाता है क्योंकि आपके मन मे कुछ खटका है। हाँ, आप अगर सही हैं और कोई आपको गलत ठहरा रहा है तो इंसान क्या करे, तब भी शांति को दीवार बना कर सामने कई लोग खड़े रहते हैं, मैं भी उन्ही लोगों की गिनती मे शामिल होने की अटूट कोशिश करता ही रहता हूँ। पर...

April 2023 Ending.. Contracts have ended, relationships with people are like rising and falling waves now. Only some friends from school have maintained a solid no-change policy in this area. Storyboarding is well underway for the first feature film. Working parallelly on one other project as well. I feel like I will have to go to Mumbai soon for a couple of weeks to work on things. Been talking to a lot of people lately. Confidence has taken a boost. A rejuvenating experience in Pulga in between the sun-kissed mountains. Perspective roller coaster. Back to freelance and open to all sorts of work again. The need to earn money has heightened to enormous proportions. Skip to 12th June 2023.. Pandit Ramakant Shukla 19th September 1940 - 12th June 2023 Baba has left us.. Pandit Ramakant Shukla is in a better place. Baba was always keen on giving individual attention to each kid in the family (as quoted by my sister Shraddha). 13 days of ceremonial Hindu rituals. All of us grieved. I cried ...

Stepping towards the ancient.. I mean not that ancient... It's just that, I think stepping away from all the digitality of things could work in my favor. I feel good about my life right now. A couple of set-backs, one major one 3 months back but all good now. Working hard. Working out. I am going to slowly move away from everything. Might even delete this blog. MIGHT. So much weight under this word, shifting to either end of your thought spectrum can happen seamlessly without the need for providing reason. Living the digital detached life = peace? I would still learn new things about the ever-changing world of technology. It will be a balanced approach - moving away while learning more about it. I am also now working on conceptualization of my films in an active manner. Next steps would be to create a deck.  बस इतनी ही बात करेंगे, अब काम करेंगे। 

 AI art arrived as what seemed like a boom in conceptualization and creation of new material. Turns out, it is a regeneration of what has already been made. Whenever you make AI art, it will almost never feel real (somewhere deep, you are aware that it is made out of what has already been made).  "Nakal ke liye bhi akal chahiye hoti hai, AI ne akal ki sabse badi dukaan kholi hai."  Tried my hands on it, it actually helped me conceptualize a lot of concepts that I had. It might even help me to pitch some of those concepts on my trip to Mumbai sometime soon. Just want to create something original. It requires robotic writing, as if you're explaining a child what to look for. A child that is growing. Making movies is going to be different in the future. I am just trying to prepare myself with the technological advancements that might hit us in the next couple of years. I have a feeling they will be very sudden. Market shift has been great. People are going back to cinemas. S...

When you tell yourself that, there is peace in it. I want to make a film. I will make a film. I have started working on making a film. The storyboard for what can be a feature film in the future has kickstarted. The work is slow because everyone involved has other things to do but the train has left the station. And it will reach its destination. Should I make a documentary first? Should I try my hands on a low budget film first? Yes, why not. I have access to a 4K digital camera now. Feeling good about starting work on a feature film that is very close to my heart. I guess this is how it is now? Working on multiple things at the same time, hoping the dots will connect somewhere in the future. Also having interesting conversations about money and breaking stereotypes about how it should not be considered the only thing you should work for. At the same time, not leaving out its importance in the matter. For the first time and at the age of 25, I will have people who will directly report...

In my many attempts to make a film that can impress the masses, I can say collectively I have failed. Yes I know downsizing my own capabilities is not something I should do. Something interesting happened a few months ago. I was left with a choice. The path was divided into two. MUMBAI Choice number 1: Go to Mumbai and start my journey as an Assistant Director and slowly move up. DELHI Choice number 2: Join the Ministry of Culture as a consultant for NCSM and work at IGNCA.  I was in touch with an influential personality. His love for everything Indian can spark joy anywhere. The level of energy he brings into the room is unparalleled. I was talking to him about a lot of opportunities and we really passed the vibe check, I suppose. He is a man of extreme will, keeps a visionary approach and wants to see a better and stronger India. He does not care about receiving credit as long as work keeps being done. And the work NEEDS TO BE GOOD. Quality over quantity but also quantity with qu...

Stability achieved. Landed a job. Now what? What a basic fundamental way of living life. Nothing against it, in-fact changing my previous opinions about it. It is the most comfortable way of living life. A stress-free method of achieving stability. There will surely be some work pressure coming in from peers and all sorts of other things but peace of mind at the end of the day is guaranteed. A sound sleep? Maybe.  I have started working as a Producer at Josh Talks. The job title also contains Video Editor but I have only properly edited one video. Apart from that, I have mostly been organizing shoots in and around the country. One thing is for sure, this company has an extremely productive mindset and these two months feel like two years in terms of experience. Budgeting, high-level productions and travel.  BUT.. Threshold for everything. I feel like I've done everything here and it is time to move on. Josh surprises me everyday. It tells me this is not it, there's more and th...

In my many attempts at discovering the root of that unpredictable headache that keeps shouting - "Hey boy, you are not satisfied with your life." I never seemed to have pinpointed a way of getting out of it. Sure, meditation helps. But when the actual menace arrives, your head's not even thinking about meditation, how's that? All it thinks about is 'the things that could have been'.   I should have made a film by now, should have invited my teachers to a premiere that I promised them. Those big words from the mouth of a teenager who didn't know the reality. Okay okay, so depressing. Let's slow down a little. I still aim to achieve all those things. It's just that it might take a little more time. And no pressure seriously, because that is the last thing we need, right?  Photo by Aubree Herrick on Unsplash It's very hard to make a good film that audiences can remember for generations to come. And working on them must be a tedious task as well. ...

  Ab bas laga hua hun kal se kuch behtar banane me aur kal ko behtar banane me.  Far from the thinking mind. Not far, just slowly trying to loosen my grasp on it via meditation. I have no expectations anymore. I am simply in the 'be'. Went to Kolkata last week, met with an accident. Our (Mayank and I's) scooter slipped. The surface was wet and there had to be a tram track there. We all know the horrors of uneven surfaces. Always slow your vehicle down to a speed of 10km/h. Don't even think about applying the brakes! Just pass through it and if you do slip, hands up front and thank yourself for wearing a helmet. My head hit the side walk and I was so grateful for wearing one even though I was sitting behind Mayank. He's not a good driver and he knows it now. With so much patience, he listened to what I had to offer and I am sure with time he learns to slow his vehicle down on a speed-breaker. He reminded me of Geet. Even he just budum-bummed through all the speed bre...

Photo by Cristofer Jeschke on Unsplash रात के पौने दो बज रहे हैं और मैं जग रहा हूँ। ऐसा बहुत दिनों बाद हो रहा है। कारण? मैं फिल्म बना रहा हूँ। एक शॉर्ट फिल्म ही है फिलहाल तो, लेकिन इसको लेकर जो अरमान हैं वो शॉर्ट नहीं। मैं चाहता हूँ इस बार मेरी जनता जो देखे, उसका कण-कण उन्हें लुभाए। मैं काफी मेहनत कर रहा हूँ इस दफा। तन्मय और रजत जो कि मेरे स्कूल के मित्र हैं, उन्होंने मेरा खुली बाहों के साथ स्वागत किया अपने छोटे से घर जैसे ऑफिस में। यहाँ जो कोई आता है, वो ख़ुशी लेकर जाता है। तन्मय अपने भाई की देख रेख भी करता है और आपको हसाने में भी कोई कसर नहीं छोड़ता।  हम लोग तन्मय के ही घर पर मेरी अगली फिल्म या यूँ कहूं कि हमारी अगली फिल्म का निर्माण कर रहे हैं। शॉट डिवीज़न से लेकर स्टोरीबोर्डिंग सब पर भली भाँती काम चल रहा है। रजत ने आशीष दोभल जी से मिलवाया। ये फाइन ट्यून्ड नाम की कंपनी चलाते हैं। इनका भी काफी बड़ा हाथ रहा है इस फिल्म को हकीकत बनाने में। अभी बनी नहीं है लेकिन बन जानी चाहिए। पैसा लगेगा...  जहाँ तक है मुझे ऐसा लगता है २५ हज़ार तक की धन राशि जुटानी पड़ेगी। कोई आईडिया नही है पैसे कहा...

 क्यों भूखा हूं? क्या हो गया ऐसा? AQI levels dekhe hain Delhi-NCR ke? Something needs to be done and it needs to be done faster than the pace that is already being used. Also, meditating is fun. I wish I could do it all the time except that is not possible but I learned today that it actually helps in gaining physical changes in your body especially your brain. Btw, running increases blood flow into the brain that is why your face becomes red. Random, okay. Back to meditation, there is this app - Headspace. The inventor of this awesome app is someone who has been to Himalayas and has sat down with the monks and made it easier for us to understand the path to what it is to actually sit down and do 'nothing'. You heard me right. Nothing! Absolutely nothing. When was the last time you did that? I did it a couple of hours ago. Andy Puddicombe's voice can do wonders. You just sit there and let him guide you through the darkness and into the light. A little too dramatic than it n...

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash Okay so.. I have been struggling. I want to make a good film and it is high time now. I need visuals. Aisa kuch jo is duniya ka sabse busiest aadmi bhi ignore na kar paaye. And good music. Taaki rhythm bani rahe aur aap mere narrative me behte chale jaayen. :) Teesra feature film screenplay khatam hone ko aaya hai, ye waali pata nahi kab banengi lekin jab bhi banengi koshish karunga ki large format pe bane . I remember those few IMAX films that I watched as a child. Those are the ones that got me excited about the medium. It's an expression. An expression for a filmmaker. We need more innovation in cinema halls, now more than ever. Health report came in and boy some of my levels are not good. Have made significant changes to what goes inside my belly. Have cut off from deep fried to keep my cholesterol in check. TSH levels are also somewhere they shouldn't be. Feels like a spike from all the sitting and junk-food. Thank you lockdown! Need to ...

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash A lot of clueless souls wandering in the limitless perception of time created by the ongoing pandemic. What do we do? Where do we go? And to the ones with anxiety, increased sense of fear and a completely changed reality inside their heads - I believe in you. Do this right now. Write everything you've learned or are willing to learn over the course of your life. Write it, look at it and dream about it. Even if you have mastered the art of being lazy, write it in a way that sounds reassuring. I know, long stretch. But I've noticed how this helps. You can come back to it and feel good about yourself.  Okay I have to admit, even I don't know if I am utilizing my time efficiently but I have a bunch of things on my mind and I am willing to accomplish them. Only a bunch. Not a million dreams. Just three or four. I am working bit by bit in order to secure my future self.  Mujhe neend nahi aati kabhi kabhi raat me. Accha sa routine ban jaata h...

This summer wasn't a vacation, winters seem to be heading in the same direction. This year has only two months for some people. Nations across the globe announced total lock-down giving people time to reflect upon themselves and the world. These are trying times when the issue for mental health came back to light; actually it never left the spot. We were the ones who were ignorant from time to time. Photo by Camila Perez on Unsplash Air travel changed. Ways of living changed. What is it that didn't change? Everything did. Our lives were affected in each and every possible way. Fear of the virus made people return to their roots. Amidst all this we saw riots, violence and even a glimpse of what could have been a war. People are upset and as I said earlier, these are trying times. Will, patience and your productivity is what will get you through to the other side. We lost a lot of industry gems. I have been trying to write a couple of feature-length screenplays for the first ti...

Of course, it is a city in the literal light-bulbs of the mind. For the sake of proving a point, the title had to be quirky. The bus ride, connected minds, helpful people, random smiles and yet again wada pav. Though by now I have also started eating poha and aloo ke parathe for breakfast. I used to eat from a shop outside Kokilaben Dhirubai Ambani Hospital. Suddenly, that has changed. I found a better place around 25 steps from the original one. After breakfast, I head down to another stall for tea. In front of that is a naariyal paani waala . Why did I call it a beehive? Take a look at the picture. What do you see? Photo by  Atharva Tulsi  on  Unsplash 14.09.2019 - 12:59 PM Whoever that Shivendu was. Haven't been able to spot the shop from a few days. There's one general thing though. I feel like everyone is quite frustrated here. Like all the time. I was told that this is the city's love for you. And I am getting it. The words are supremacy. They love yo...

Mrs. Suveni Balan From history lessons based on drawings to discussing the Mumbai traffic, an evening with my former history teacher brought back so much as well as some new insights about the city. I learnt about schools that had their roots in Germany. The ones that did not restrict their students to code but instead the morals. Sitting down on the floor, sharing and washing your own dishes is more important than the length of your hair. A neat look does, make one look presentable. Certainly not what I am in the above picture. The first thing I did next morning was to shave my uneven beard. You can't even call that a beard. I have bushes on my face. She treated me with dishes from Kerala. Some sweet thing rolled in Maida ( Edit :  The sweet dish is actually called ada. It is made of rice atta rolled in banana leaves (I (Suveni Ma'am) removed the banana leaves before giving it to you) with Jaggery, dry fruits,and coconut * ) , shaped like a triangle. Then there was Tof...

Photo by  Joseph Pearson  on  Unsplash Ad films, research and wada pav. This is how the man who wants a piece of the cake in the Indian Film Industry begins his journey. Everyone out there has already swallowed a word into their superior consciousness that I do not prefer much. Arrey bhai kuch badal ke dekho, sab kuch badal jaayega.  I have already started making videos with my new K20 Pro which will go down into the video that I will make for Phase 233, haha I just mistyped 233, damn it! I did it again. Phase 3 Everything can go downhill from here. There is fear, heartache and a burning desire. The burning desire will keep you alive. Why am I being a teacher? You already know what you have to do and I know you will get there one day, keep believing. The videos, aah. Slow-motion videos from my K20 Pro are coming out nicely. I plan to make some eye-soothing and aesthetically mind-numbing visuals from it given that it fulfils a promise of being a good cellu...